How many times have you shared your story of heartbreak and been advised to simply, “let it go?”
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I’ve always fought internally with that advice, often stepping back from the conversation feeling defensive and misunderstood.
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We are all vulnerable to making a past injury into our identity. We obsess about our story, we magnify it, we add to it, we revise it, we create new scenarios. It’s human nature.
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But how do these stories, these beliefs make you feel? When you are dwelling on your story or stuck in your often self-injurious or self-righteous belief how do you feel? How do you treat others? How do you treat yourself? Do you eat little more, drink a few too many, sleep a little too much?
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NOW, how would you be without your story? What if the story you’ve created – with all its additions, revisions and added meanings – did not exist? How would you feel now? I’m not talking about pretending that the past didn’t happen. It did. It is what it is. We can’t erase the past. I am talking about the story that you have created in your mind. Who would you be without your story?
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Letting go is not about forgetting the past. It’s about letting go of your story. It’s about realizing that your story serves no other purpose than to invoke feelings of stress, anxiety, frustration, confusion, and anger.
I’ve always fought internally with that advice, often stepping back from the conversation feeling defensive and misunderstood.
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I am coming to realize this week that “letting go” may not be about disposing of the past but rather about letting go of the internal story we’ve created within ourselves about our past.
-We are all vulnerable to making a past injury into our identity. We obsess about our story, we magnify it, we add to it, we revise it, we create new scenarios. It’s human nature.
-
But how do these stories, these beliefs make you feel? When you are dwelling on your story or stuck in your often self-injurious or self-righteous belief how do you feel? How do you treat others? How do you treat yourself? Do you eat little more, drink a few too many, sleep a little too much?
-
NOW, how would you be without your story? What if the story you’ve created – with all its additions, revisions and added meanings – did not exist? How would you feel now? I’m not talking about pretending that the past didn’t happen. It did. It is what it is. We can’t erase the past. I am talking about the story that you have created in your mind. Who would you be without your story?
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Letting go is not about forgetting the past. It’s about letting go of your story. It’s about realizing that your story serves no other purpose than to invoke feelings of stress, anxiety, frustration, confusion, and anger.
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It is our thoughts that are now causing us to continually relive the painful past. It is our story that has some of us believing that we are broken, are unlovable, and are unworthy of another’s love. And when we believe these things about ourselves, we act accordingly. We eat more than we should, we drink to numb ourselves, we look to others to make us happy, we pick partners that mirror our feelings of unworthiness. These are the ones that arrive late to pick us up, that don’t call for days, that forget our birthdays, that basically treat us as we feel about ourselves.
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But is it true? Has your past really left you broken, unworthy, unlovable? Is it absolutely true?
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Until we see the reality of our true natures – that we are not broken, that we are whole and complete, that we are lovable and that we are so very, very worthy of another’s love – we will continue to hang on to our stories.
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You are not your story. Let it go. Let the story go.
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© Kim Kabar, 2011 (www.hungry4less.com)
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